L.O.L #2

Where did we leave off? Right, lesson number 6.

Lesson #6: Do not overlook the "small stuff."

The Bible says it is the little foxes that ruin the vineyard. When we clock questionable character traits in a partner, we should honor our discernment. I dated a man who treated my boundaries as suggestions. He had a tendency to cross them in small doses to test if I truly meant what I said. I should have known that would be the case because naturally he is a man filled with pride. For some of you, the partner says things that are contradictory to your values. Or they may treat their mother with contempt, or they undermine their brother etc. Pay attention to the small things they speak volumes over time.

Lesson #7: Not all closed doors are a bad thing.

I met a man that was quite frankly high up on my "needs to be" list. He checked all the boxes. I am a big fan of great conversations, and this mister could hold a conversation well! Honey the excitement that washed over me is indescribable. When I met this man, I was actively looking for a partner and for a moment I wondered if he was the one, I had been waiting for. Well, during a conversation one night, I silently prayed this specific prayer "God, he seems a bit too good to be true, but if he is a counterfeit, please take him away." It was not anything loud or boisterous I was very concerned about falling prey to the next great love, so I asked my Abba to help me out. Well, it was not a mere 24hrs later that the man ghosted me. To paint the picture of why this was such a dramatic answer to my prayer, the mister and I had concluded that we wanted to pursue this further and had made a plan detailing our next steps. He disappeared without so much of a goodbye. To this day, I have never heard from him again and I know that without a shadow of a doubt that the closed door was not so bad after all.

When a relationship ends that you were hoping would be your forever, it can feel like God is against you. But I want to remind you that God is always for you.

Lesson #8: Question people that over-promise

Y'all ever met those folk that love bomb you into a relationship? Here is an example, you meet a man today and he says he loves you and will marry you. I have a special type of doubt for folks that irrationally express their emotions. The question is, other than the love for me as your sister in Christ, what more do you harbor? Another sect of people to question are those that give you too much too soon. When I was younger, there was a gentleman much older than I was at the time that wanted to woo me with jewelry. He knew he was out of line because his intentions were to win me over with all that his money could buy so that I could overlook the obvious illegality of the relationship. As chairwoman of the soft life committee, I agree that one should be wooed but not with the intent of masking character. Give yourself time before committing to this kind of folk. You will soon realize the reason they were overcompensating.

Lesson#9: Fear God, Fear those whose relatives chase you.

There is no worse feeling than when you realize your partners relatives want you more than he/she does. Now this may not necessarily be a proven theory but, I am of the belief that, whenever the relatives become heavily involved there is a possibility that your partner is a scam. What you need to ask yourself is this "what are they hiding?" or even this, "Why are they so pressed about our relationship?" From my experiences it has been either one of these two things. One, they have realized how great of a person I am, but their child is yet to realize it as well. Two, their child has some questionable character traits or is in a specific bind and they are hoping that you will be their savior. Neither one of these are comforting. Either one of these are cause for you to walk away. Run, do not walk.

Lesson #10: Heartbreaks heal.

This I have found to be very true. In the moment when it is happening or you are going through it, the world seems dark. I remember a particular break up when I was in college that was devasting. I would break down over anything. One time I was vacuuming, and a Luo song came over the speakers that sent me into full blown sobs. I also remember thinking I would never love again. False. My heart healed. I loved again. And again. And again. Momentary hopelessness passes away too, it is momentary after all. Allow yourself to grieve but please do not dwell there.

Lesson #11: Pray.

The reason I can laugh out loud at these lessons and the many more that I have learned over my dating life is because I pray. I am fully persuaded that God is the best matchmaker. He is writing my love story to be one of joy. Navigating hard times is significantly easier with God by your side. Pray for your spouse, hand it all back to God and let him bring your person to you. Heartbroken? Pray and watch him heal your heart. There is nothing he cannot do, there is no wound he cannot heal and most importantly, He is your father, and he wants you to win in the area of love too.

That is all folks. Do not forget to join the mailing list so you never miss a post!

-Kalunde