First Begun..

When I think of first loves, I am reminded of a Samburu boy with the kindest eyes I had ever seen. Most people remember their first love simply because they tend to leave a great impression on us. First loves tend to be astronomical in the sense that they are all consuming but unsatisfactory because almost always, they never last. In my case, he was my classmate. When I was in primary school (middle school for our Westerners), I was already keen to the concept of love. My definition of it was influenced by the telenovelas my aunties and I would swoon over during the weekends. He was a sight for sore eyes, taller than most and had a nonchalant attitude about life which, to me, made him the perfect antidote to my love sickness.

In true first love notion, we never expressed our feelings to each other until we had long graduated and moved apart. I came to know of his feelings for me while having a casual conversation with a mutual friend. In our conversation, I expressed how I secretly loved this boy and had no clue whether he loved me back (forget liking me back because who wants mediocre affection?) He said, "Michelle, you had to have known, it was you all along." To my bewilderment, he loved me back! How did I miss it? I vividly remember how I felt on that bus ride home - sad. It was such an anticlimactic way of finding out that the man I had been pining for over the course of 3 years felt the same way.

Why do I share this story you may ask?

The fear of rejection is something that plagues us all. In my case and in many others, we would rather remain in silence than blatantly express their desire for another. I have lived long enough to know that regret is a painful emotion. Do not spend most of your days dreaming of what could be...I encourage you to go after it. Life is a basket of risks and I firmly believe that it is better to risk and fail than to never risk anything at all.

I spent many months wondering how different our story would have been had either one of us taken the bold risk and expressed our feelings. I dare you to pick up the phone, send that text message..write that letter. LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. In worst case scenario, that person will not feel the same way.